Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
