What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
