Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
