now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
