worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
You're like the curious george of whores
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
