singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
It was a blind-side dick pic.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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