You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
