I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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