Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
