I hate your face
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
ugly people sure do ruin things
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
