how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
pop tarts are not kleenex
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize