just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
