i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize