as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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