Dual....:-)
Someone shit on the floor
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
