census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
3pm strippers are depressing
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
