The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
barbara walters just said penis...
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
A bitchslap is in order.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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