hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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