You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize