Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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