Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
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