2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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