I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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