You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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