Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
