youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
