Just fell off a train. Bad.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
