Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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