Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
