Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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