I want to make a zoo with you.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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