I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
He felt like a one man threesome
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I need to sanitize my soul.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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