I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
