i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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