So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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