I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
