What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Randomize
