Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Randomize
