Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
