Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
It's just like the Real World with babies
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
So vagazzling was a success
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
