Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
