her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
home. puking in laundry basket.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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