He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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