Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
