I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
