She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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