you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
