if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
