True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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