return my video game
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Randomize
