I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
