The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
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