If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
