We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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