wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
