There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
