Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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