the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
