I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
