I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize