its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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