I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
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