This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
