she takes plan B like it's going out of style
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
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