Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
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