We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
