im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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